‘I couldn’t leave them behind’: Strong support network important for adults facing mental health issues

SINGAPORE: Mental health advocate Felix Avellino Philmone has struggled with depression for years. 
 
In 2018, things reached a breaking point. 
 
“I was trying to make a living. I was trying to give everything to my family. But I went into bad investments, worked with a company that cheated me of hundreds of thousands of dollars with clients,” said the 29-year-old former portfolio manager. 
 
“The phone calls came in, people started chasing me for money. It became very bad, to the point that I couldn’t tell dreams from reality.”
 
His mental health deteriorated due to the stress, and he started having suicidal thoughts. 
Mr Avellino initially attempted to seek help with mental health professionals, but did not attend numerous appointments because he did not want to be labelled as “crazy”.
 
But thoughts of his wife and children pushed him to take the first steps in getting better.
He started attending counselling sessions and activities at non-profit organisation Club HEAL. 
 
“I knew I couldn’t leave them behind. And that was one thing that made me seek help – for my family. I needed to be there for them,” he said. 
 
Observers told CNA that having a strong support system is important for many adults facing mental health challenges as such struggles are often difficult to spot. 
 
“The loner, or the person who is keeping to himself, is less able to have someone to support them or someone even to notice there is something wrong and to check on them,” Mr Adrian Lim, psychologist and founder of Family Counselling Psychologist, told CNA’s Singapore Tonight on Tuesday (Oct 8). 
 
“It is so vitally important that we stay connected.”
 
For Mr Avellino, the support from his loved ones has helped him tide through the difficult times.
 
“People are going to say many things, but it’s really up to you. You’re the only one who can change your life. The support is there,” he said. 
 
“After seeking help, I started to understand my condition better. I started to understand what mental health was about.”
 
Mr Avellino now works at Club HEAL, where he helps his clients in their recovery journey as an assistant programme coordinator. 
 
“If I didn’t take that step, knowing that there is someone out there to journey with me, I don’t think I’ll still be here today,” he said. 
 
“Until today, I still have my ups and downs, but I’m able to manage much better because of the professional help that I have along the way.”
Still, social stigma can often keep people from sharing their problems with loved ones or getting help from healthcare professionals. 
 
For 58-year-old Angeline Tong, the fear of how others might see her had kept her from seeking help for over a year. 
 
She had started showing signs of anxiety after leaving her job of 15 years in 2013. 
 
Ms Tong said at her lowest, she would often wake up feeling “very hopeless”. 
 
“It’s like I don’t know what to do lying there,” she added. “Then I have these ruminating thoughts over and over again, and then it makes me quite scared.”
 
She also had physical symptoms, from heart palpitations to bouts of vomiting.
 
Eventually, Ms Tong decided it was time to see her family doctor, who suspected she might have anxiety disorder and advised her to seek further help from mental health professionals. 
 
“It was quite scary, because never in my life did I have this, and my family has no mental health history,” she said. 
 
“I couldn’t accept it, that something was wrong with me.”
 
A long-time friend later counselled Ms Tong, and those words of affirmation reassured her to look for professional help.
 
“Recovery is not easy, to be honest. It’s quite bumpy. Sometimes, I have good days. Sometimes, I have bad days,” she said. 
 
“Recovery to me is like I have to manage my symptoms, develop resilience, and make my life more meaningful and fulfilling.” 
 
Family Counselling Psychologist’s Mr Lim said people facing mental health challenges do not need to suffer in silence. 
 
“We are a community,” he said, adding that the first part of seeking help is being aware and admitting that there is a problem.
 
“We need to socially connect, remove our masks, remove our pride, and say: ‘I need support’.”